Saturday, December 15, 2007

Intense Loneliness

I've made some difficult decisions recently that I think are what God willed me to do. With that said, for some reason life is very difficult for me right now. Though our business is growing, though I'm near family, though finances are good... everything is good, and yet on top of this mountain, igh above the valley and even looking down on the clouds there is a bittersweet smell that I cannot stomach. It is driving me from the mountain, though I'm not sure what it is or where it comes from.

It started last night as I watched I Am Legend when Robert Neville could do nothing to help humanity. Yes, that made me sad. He labored for years and then at his crowning moment, he died. He wasn't able to enjoy the fruit of his years of labor. Then, as I watched The Notebook, the feeling returned, as two lovers who worked hard on their family and enjoyed each other for years are unable to enjoy the twilight of life together.

Perhaps I need to be more heavenly focused - the things of this earth just don't seem worth laboring for sometimes, and other times it seems the more we care, the more we are hurt.

Or, maybe I just didn't have any coffee today.

No comments: