Lesson Learned: Be Quiet and Go Away (sometimes)

Sarah and I had a great weekend in Chadron, NE. My former youth pastor and good friend is performing our wedding June 11, and we needed to spend some time counseling. Sarah and I both come from good backgrounds, but just like every other person in the world, we have preconceptions that can add baggage to a relationship. Our goal has been "To do things right" throughout the relationship, and the purpose of this was to be another stone laid in that relationship.

So we flew into Rapid City, SD and then drove down to Chadron, NE. By the way, if you need a car rental in Rapid City, SD, I recommend Dollar Rent-A-Car. They had a price that was about half of what the airport based rentals were charging because they didn't have to pay airport fees, and it only took us 7-10 minutes to get from the airport to the car rental place (yeah, I know, great job timing there Matt). I have family in the area in addition to the friends we visited, so I can say with some certainty that I will use them again.

We got in midday on Friday and received some counsel. Part of our homework for the evening was a test that involved us answering questions about ourselves in several areas related to marriage, and also answering how we felt our to-be would answer. Saturday was grading day for the questions, but I'll jump the gun and let on that having dated for four years, we were both accurate guessing what our to-be would answer.

Saturday, we hopped in the Subaru rental (which I loved, by the way) and went to Mount Rushmore. The goal was to have an enjoyable day and knock out the counseling we went to get. Doing the counseling in the car was a fantastic idea for me at least. The scenery offered me something different to look at constantly, and relaxed my mind. I felt much more "involved" with the conversation at the end of the day than I would have if we had simply stuck ourselves in an office and yelled "Go."

I learned a lot and was reminded of a lot in counseling, but had one truly epiphanic moment when we were talking about conflict resolution and handling emotions. To be honest, this wasn't even only about conflict between Sarah and I, but also helping the other person work through conflict with others.

Anytime Sarah has had any type of problem with me, another person, or a situation, I have tended to want to destroy/fix (same thing) that problem. Whether it meant sitting down right away and talking about it, making a run to Wal-Mart at 3:00 am, or having a come-to-Jesus talk, I have wanted to solve the problem now. That is a personality strength and weakness of mine.

Through this weekend, I came to an understanding that Sarah needs time to process things and that I am not abandoning her or shirking my duty if I simply leave her alone. This is perhaps obvious to many people, but to me it was a revelation of humongous importance.

Also, I haven't worked out since Thursday, so I'm going to hit it hard this afternoon.

When You Leave, I Miss You

Sarah is in Nashville for the next two days. I can't remember exactly when she moved to Memphis so I won't lie and throw a date out, but it's been over six months. We've been engaged since late December, and have enjoyed seeing each other nearly every day. She often travels past my apartment on the way too and from her various appointment and she teaches private lessons at a school near my office.

A two day interruption is thus a major change to the status quot, and I find myself already missing her.

I woke up very early this morning. 5:30 AM early. Sarah had planned to wake up at 4:00 AM and I was surprised she hadn't called me like she normally does. A frustrated nervousness immediately crept into me, and I couldn't help but worry that she had forgotten to plug her phone in and hadn't been woken up due to a dead battery.

So, I called her, and her phone went straight to voicemail! Ruh-roh. Several phone calls yielded the same result. At that point, it became clear to me that I had a duty as a man to drive to her apartment and wake her up. I grabbed the dog, ran to my car, and drove to her apartment. No car. She called me back as I was leaving her apartment complex, informed me that she had gotten my voice mail, and was driving through an area with bad cell coverage.

She then told me that she turned her phone off because she knew that in areas with bad coverage cell batteries were drained more quickly (due to them trying to find a cell tower). It then hit me: She listens to what I say! I told her that a few years ago and she remembered! And that feels really good. So thank you, sweetheart, for making my morning.